Harry Potter Starring Claudia
by milky-screams
Summary: Claudia is super hot and also an elf/voldemorts daughter. Everybody thinks she's super hot but she just wants to make out with her dad.
1. Chapter 1

_**AUTHORS**** NOTE****: **_

_**Hello there from Emma and Kathryn. We wrote this for Claudia because she unfortunately couldn't be with us this weekend, so we just wrote her a fanfic. You're very welcome Claudia. I would suggest to anyone who isn't actually Claudia, or not in our group of friends to probably just not read this and pretend it never happened. Or read it I don't care. Enjoy.**_

**Harry potter Starring Claudia**

Claudia wuz reading harry potter, the first 1 not the other ones shes stupid she cant read thew bigger onez. She wuz all like "oh man dis is so good almost as good as don't hug me I'm scared which I love beciuz im a phycopath also"

But Claudia didn't realize dat she wuz like a wizard vampire immortal elf that was the daughter of voldemort and also way hotter than anybody else ever. She was all like wooaaaaaaah and then passed out but stillo looked hot becuz shes cool and an elf.

Wenn she woke up she was at hiogwarts and draco was there ands was all like "wow ur so ho slytherin cuz I wanna slytherin into u bb" and Claudia thought he was hot but she wasn't really into blondes so she just like ignored him anyway but she kinda liked it. And Claudia said sexily "wow ur draco das cool hello yeah im a slyherin im voldmorts daughter u wanna hang out?" and he said sure because he liked her because she was a hot elf like thranduil but sexier which is possible because she wuz hot.

Caludia walked away and draco stared at her but becuz she was so secsi and she was hot. It was cool. She read da first book but it wasn't the first book because they were older so like yeah they weren't 11 rthat would be pedoish and shes not a oedo shes an elf so. They were like 16 or something like when they were the hottest. Expect for herminii she wasn't as hot as Claudia. Claudia saw cedrioc and walked up 2 him in her black tutu with a red trim and a shirt with oink glitter that showed off her super hawt bod. Cedric wuz all like wow ur so hot hey how are u are u voldemorts daughter ur like rich and famous wanna date? I wuz like "no I don't date sparkly vampires srry weren't dumbledooor I wanna talk 2 him ok.

Claudia glided away cause shes a elf an elfs glide and shit like that. Cedric watdhed her go and was sad cusae she rejected ahim and shit I mena what do ytouy expect he was a SPARKLY VAMPIRE no one likes thos. Speciely FINDERA vamps. That shit just wasn't cool.

After a couple days of swearing at the stairs and flirting with the oaintings Claudia found her ways to dumbleydores office. She told the gargolyle toi let her in. it said no. so she started to guess the password. In elvish. Cause all passwords are in elvish everyone knows that. The gargorlye had no clue what the fuck she was talking about but she was so hot that he lettt hherr in anyeya.

SHE WALKED UP TO DUMOKLYdoor and wuz all lkye hey there and he was iike heeeeeeeeeeeeey gurl. He was tote sgay but like she didn't even care she shipped hin and snape. She said to dumolymor "hey so ummmmk I came here becuz do u wanna bang snpae u should" and he wuz klke wow how did u know ur so smart and hot cmalduia I will wow." She walked out and went to find the chamber of secrets where tom riddle was beucz hes hot abd she wanted to hit n him even though hes lyke her dad its cool.

She got to the bathroom and alked in. mrytloe started to scream at hers but Claudia was like "fuck oof" and myrtle did cause elves are fuckin awesome nad hot and shit. YEAH. She walked pu to eht sink and told he skane ting to get the frick out of her way. It did. Cause she was HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT. The skin opened up and shes swan dived in. cuyaes elves cant die. So she wouod be fine. And cuase she was supermegafoxysexy.

She walked into da chamber and tom wuz der and she sayd "hey cutie ur my dad but ur hawt so lik wanna maybe makrout were evil si its not gross" nd he was like " yeah ok das cool but only if u give swe something in return for dat " "ok wut is it voldaddy" so gave mw a evil look that would have been scary if I wasn't more even and not an elf. "u hav 2 bring me harry poteer" and I rolled my big fanfic brown eyes " sur whateves harris a douchenozzle anyway idgaf"

And den they totally makeout and it was superr hot but iw ont fo into detaik becuz elves never tell secrets of kissing ppl especially their dads.

Afere they fiished up Claudia clalled her draong to carry back up the poie to the bathroom. She coulod have levitated but that's so friggin boring how could yoyu even sugfgest that. The dragon showed up and he was cool, and hot. He sounds a lot like smaug if that helops you gte a pictyre. But hes smaller. And not so grumpy. He wuz benedicty cumberdragon.

She twerked away 2 get harry potter 2 ashow off her hjot ass to vldyshorts on da dragon, it was totally sexi. She went up 2 get harry potter 2 bring to her dad becuz of the favoue he did for her. She mwt him in the griffydornbiofg commoner room becyuz shes also a griffinerieqio and not justr a slyutherin.

2 be continu


	2. Chapter 2

*****Authors note**

**Oh hello again. Kathryn's at home so I just wrote this by my lonesome because I have nothing better to do with my time apparently. The grammar is also slightly better because reasons.**

**I have no idea where this is going but it makes me laugh so whatever.**

**Sorry that Claudia, Kathryn, and I are just so hot I mean we can't help it that we're popular.**

**Da Bestiez Show Up And Its A Party**

Claudia, the totally super sexy hot elf wizard had just walked into the griffsdofjfnf common room. She looked around for Harry Potter and his lame nerd friends that nobody likes because slytherins were like waaaaaaay cooler than griffydoorys.

"hey losers hows it hanging jk idgaf about ur lyfe bitches" it was super funny. "hey claudia wow u look super hawt tofay just like everyday u glided in here so nice omg" harry said, totes inlove with claudia because she was super perfect and better than herminny "i think ur suoer hotter than herminny"

"wow das cool congrats harry pooper" she was so fucking hilarious wow. "anyway, i like need u to come with me in private ur lame friends cant come srrrry nawt sorry"

harry was totes going to but herminny being the annoying turd she was was all life "ermmmm harry maybe like dont do that u stupid idiot shes bad shes voldetorts daughter + shit"

claudia was fucking pissed off becuz sher made her dad a deal dat if he madeout with her that she would bring him harry potter. so yeah basically harry said that he had to listen to ugly hermingy and didnt go and claudia was pissed and she went to see voldesmrot and so wuz he.

claudia later told tommy that she couldnt do it then and he was like "do it or i kill u dead lil claudia" he said to her all assholey and totes not hot but still actually really hot but like mean

"wow ur being mean imma call my friends l8er daddio dank 4 the snog" and with that she went into her own secret hoggywarts layer thats kinda like the chamber of secrets but way more fucking badass and cool

to summon her super bamf and gorg friend kathryn she had to pray to her in elvish because that's how how summoned elf archangels like duuh. kathryn showed up looking super bootiful and her hair was glowing kind of and she had a super cute white dress on and looked elfy and just wonderful wow u go kathryn!

she wuz all like "wow tf u want jk ily whats up y u in potter land?"

and then claudia explained. kathryn then said to her "wow emma should be here for this too lets sommon her ill get go get some blood from one of the lame students here. and she angel poofed away for like 2 seconds and then came back with the blood from a student nobody cares about.

they made a demon/vampire summonign thingy and emma showed up and was like heeeeeeey bitches hows it hanging

now that the fucking coolest trio was together shit wuz gonna go down becuz wow friendship is magic


	3. Chapter 3

**authors note: I would like to take this time to say that I think I'm a lot funnier than I actually am. And also if you don't think this is the best shit you can get the fuck out my face.**

**l8er h8ers**

**Chapter Three: Pentagram Shit**

A strange and ominous storm was blowing throughout Hogwarts School of Witchcraft &amp; Homosexuality, and it was as creepy as emma and claudia in church together chanting "..pain and suffering...suffering and dying.." (which, by the way, did NOT impress kathryn because she is a stupid angel that likes to actually be respectful in the house of da lord.) the three girls were having a hella emo time in their room. they don't sleep with the rest of the students at the school because let's be honest they're even more special than harry pumpernickel and get extra specially treated.

Emma was trying to find candles for the seance, while claudia and kathryn were deep into conversation on the floor by the pentagram they painted.  
"wow dis in gonna be sew cool i hope we meet satan" kathryn said in like her angelic voice  
"ikr like how kewl would it b to meet emmers dad like wow" replied claudia all hella kewl and totes goffic  
"my dad is lyke waaaaaaay cooles dough i mean like hes gawd soo" kathryn added in her super pretty elf-y but totally not like legolas more like thranduil or maybe tauriel voice becuz shes an angel elf and they have nice voices.

"GUYS WE NEED LIK ONE MOAR CANDLE WHAT DA EFF" shouted emma because she was like wtf. the other two girls decided to help find the last candle, which they had to steal from snape bcuz he had one and they needed one soooo sorry assface. so after they got da candle claudia lighted all of them with her witchy poowers. they chanted really gothic stuff and it was scary and shit which is bad ass. the girls shivered, possibly because the room suddenly went cold, but more likely because of the evil they were about the unleash upon the unsuspecting wizarding world. Voldemort was nothing compared to the monster they were so ignorantly trying to summon from the pits of hell. The flames from their candles were rising, making the once dim room bright as day. The anticipation was growing, each of the girls getting more and more anxious by the second. Kathryn felt a chill from within her very soul, her angelic senses (much like spiderman's tingling spidey senses) were telling her that what they were doing was wrong. She turned to Emma, about to protest, but saw the absolute thrill on her grinning face and knew that it would be no fucking use because she's obviously a crazy evil bitch. So instead she turned to Claudia, who also looking pretty fucking exstatic. That is when Kathryn realised that she was friends with a bunch of crazy fucking bitches.

"uhhhh guys" kathryn said, deciding that perhaps she should ignore their crazy bitchedness and speak the fuck up anyway. "maybe we should like stop this is scary ass shit and like imma angel soooooooo lets nawt k"

Emma and Claudia both turned to the elf/archangel/all around hottie and said in harmony "Kathryn shut the fuck up"

right after they both bam slam shizam burned kathryn hard core, satan pellegrino rose from within the pentagram and said  
"WHAT DA FUK DO U WANT I WAS SLEPING IN DA PIT DAMMIT"  
and they were like woooaaaaaaaah man  
but their chillness was short lived, as all three of their faces twisted into looks of absolute horror. they gazed upon the even bigger evil that was standing beside lucy...  
Eleanora.  
to b continu agen...


End file.
